Park It Here

I’m sorry, but there are some things in baseball a player will never, ever manage to live down. In Chan Ho Park’s case, it’s the two grand slams he gave up to the rarely-heard-from-since Fernando Tatis in a single inning while pitching for the Dodgers in 1999 that will forever follow him around like tomcats that never go out of heat. My XH and I used to refer to Chan Ho after that as “Chan Ho I Can’t Keep the Ball in the Park,” and tonight, when he was called up as an emergency starter after El Duque went on the disabled list with a balky shoulder, I braced myself for what beribboned hell might await me as Park took the mound against the Marlins.

Well, say this for Chan Ho — he didn’t give up any grannies tonight. But he sure made a lot of people in Miami deliriously happy. I’m happy that they’re happy. Really. Everyone should have a chance for their team to alleviate their mental suffering now and then. But giving up a bomb to Alfredo Amezaga, who gets one (to paraphrase Murphy Brown) about as often as we get a Democrat for President? Dude, you could put every psychopharmacologist in South Florida out of business if you keep that up.

Unfortunately for Amezaga, and Miami — and fortunately for their psychiatrist population — he doesn’t get to face Chan Ho every time he comes to bat. In fact, after tonight, it’s possible nobody will; Jorge Sosa is 4-0 with a 1.13 ERA at New Orleans (about 6 runs lower than Chan Ho’s triple-A ERA), and it probably would have been him getting the start tonight had he not just pitched Sunday. Park is simply this year’s version of Jose Lima without the pink hair, an emergency starter who couldn’t cut it. (Since I’m almost certain that it’s Lima’s hairdo that got him a second fill-in assignment in 2006 when he never should have had even one, I hope Chan Ho isn’t getting any funny ideas about hair dye.) It happens to pretty much every team, so just Windex the monitor and move on.

Losing El Duque — even for only two starts — is uncool, but in a bit of tit-for-tattery, the Braves will be without the services of Bob Wickman, their closer, for at least 15 days also. The Mets-Braves seesaw will continue apace. And Chan Ho Park will taste jambalaya once more.

General Willie Randolph


Born to Be Their Beeitches?

MLB in PDX Yes/MLB in PDX No

Under Their Thumbs

The Nationals Pastime

Paging Rodney the Rodent

We Don’t Have Anyone Who Can Do That Either, Thank Gawd

Taking the Mets Cure