I am so sorry. My fingers should be bound together with Krazy Glue for what I wrote the other day.

First and foremost I should apologize to Endy Chavez and his hamstring, both of which I doomed to go down in flames by saying what a good thing it was that we had him around as a backup. Now he’s out four to six weeks.

Never again, jamais, jamais, jamais. From now on, only Chicken Little posts for me. We’re screwed! We’re screwed! We’ll never win a pennant again! My Entire Team Sucks!!! Really, baseball fairies, I meeeean it. Heck, after the last four games, it’s apparent we’ll never again see another Mets victory. It is actually mathematically possible, if unprecedented, to lose the last 106 games in a row, and this team will find a way.

Shawn Green made an appearance last night in the announcer booth and informed hope-starved Mets fans that he intends to play on Sunday when he comes off the DL. Dream on. He will wrench his neck sneezing after a nose-hair pluck and never return.

Damion Easley, whom I also waxed enthusiastic about in the aforementioned Endycurse post, is day to day with a sore right knee. Prolly he’ll take up breakdancing in the next few days and really screw it up, ay?

And Moises Alou? Bob Alou. Alou Paratha. Mashed potatah. He will do the alligatah and render himrself and his going-on-41-year-old quads completely unable to walk, the pathetic urine-stained gimp.

Pedro Martinez’s fate is obvious, he will put on his Yoda mask the wrong way the day after he returns from rehab and asphyxiate himself. It’s the Mets’ way.

The Mets’ bullpen, of course, will continue to be the total brushfire it’s been all week, and will have an ERA over the last four months of the season of 326.4. Again, totally unprecedented, but we’re All About Teh Miracles here. (Miracles can work in reverse if they’re unprecedented enough, nu?)

And this is not just guesswork. I borrowed Kevin Kernan’s crystal ball and found out for sure. There’s a reason those New York Post guys still draw six-figure paychecks, they really do know everything, even when it hasn’t happened yet. If he says we won’t see a Mets championship this year, there’s no reason to keep tuning in. I mean, why waste four perfectly good months hoping for something that is so not taking place?

Catastrophizing is fun and funny! I’ll bet even Willie Randolph does it, at least when no one is looking.